This week has been a rather good one. It has had its ups and downs, as all do, but too many positives still out in my mind to call it a dull week. You know how people can make your day by just saying something that is so significant to you, but they don’t know it? That happened, multiple times. Before I reveal what was said to me, I want to give the “why” it was so significant to me.
I have never been a bad person in my humble opinion. But I haven’t always been a good one. During my relationship with Ace, I changed. I don’t blame her at all for the change, but my perspective on life and relationships shifted dramatically. I didn’t care about relationships after we broke up; I just wanted to get laid. I just didn’t want to stress, Ace’s and my relationship was filled with so much stress that I refused to have any more of it. I never lied, but I wasn’t honest. I hit on any cute girl there was, taken or no. I wasn’t secretive about it either. Friends and other girls alike knew that I was in an eff-buddy relationship with one or two married women. I didn’t see the harm of it, or I did and just didn’t care. I wasn’t the one cheating after all right? I wasn’t doing anything wrong. Least that’s how I saw it. They were an adult capable of making their own decisions. And it was an ego boost; having a married woman choose me over being faithful is definitely flattering. Even more flattering, is that since I was open about it, a few other women were curious about an affair too, because I could keep it secret and simple and was open to the idea (and hell, I was attractive.) I hit on my female friends, the ones I was interested in in the past but was too nervous to do anything about prior. And, again, it didn’t matter if they were taken or not. After all, I was the better one. I could do better. I hated that “friend zone” that I had gotten stuck in so many times.
((EDIT: This is to stress that if I considered the guy my friend, I did NOT hit on their significant other. I would never mess with my friends’ girlfriends. This was always the girl I knew, the guy I did not.))
Then something happened. I couldn’t tell you what exactly, but I realized my wrong-doing and chose to change. That’s a lie, I know what happened, and I will tell you exactly when I was forever changed to who I am now. It started with Kelli.
Now, Kelli is special to me, always will be. I never believed in “Love at first Sight” till I saw her. I met her on a plane flying from Arizona to Minnesota, my first flight ever commercially. By the end of the flight, I had her number. Fast forward some, she and I go on a date in Arizona, it was an amazing date, we constantly text, and we like each other. She was moving to Tucson, and we were going to miss one another, but, in her words, “I would be crazy not to at least give it a shot.” And we did. It lasted a few weeks, but the distance was too much and her stress and attention on school was needed. Before she moved, however, I experienced something extraordinary.
We had gotten back from dinner and walked upstairs and laid in bed, played with my dogs, kissed, normal new boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. We talked a lot about the challenges (at that time she hadn’t yet moved) and I comforted her in all her concerns. I looked deep into her eyes, and I saw everything. And I mean everything about her. I could answer any question she had before asking, I could comfort any fear before she expressed it. I saw all her worries, excitements, questions, knowledge, and secrets. I swear to you and all that is holy I saw into her soul that night. I just know it. And let me tell you people, it was pure and beautiful. It was so surreal. I could see how much she liked me, how much she adored the way I treated her. I could see her scars from relationships in the past, and I could see the worry about us behind the excitement.
After that night, after that moment, I was changed. Back to my old self. Back to a better, decent human being. Back to understanding caring about my actions since there are consequences beyond them, even if it isn’t my own consequence. All with one look. What’s strange is that a couple years before that, I wrote a quote I came up with on my step-brother Matt’s wedding photo frame: “The world is full of imperfect thoughts, imperfect relationships, and imperfect people. It is the moment when you are staring into the eyes of the one you care about that those imperfections are why you love them so.” There are no truer words that speak to me more significantly than that quote.
I’m back to who I am and happy to be so. I still don’t have any stress, thankfully, because I take comfort in choosing the right decision, even if it isn’t the popular one. I don’t stress about other people’s choices either; I was right in thinking they are an adult and can choose what they want to do, but I am as well, and I needed to care about that.
As for my female friends, I’ve got quite a few. But that’s what they are. Friends. Would I deny wanting to date some of them? Never. Do I still like a couple of them? You bet’cha. But this friend zone is where it’s all about for me. I enjoy texting my friends, calling them beautiful, and having them appreciate it and (hopefully) believing it.
Now all of this, who I was and who I am, leads to three very significant compliments, all within a matter of hours, no more than a day.
I got on Facebook and started talking to my friend Kayla. Quick rundown between Kayla and me, we have been friends for a while, but haven’t hung out in 1-2 years (she lives in Flag.) Now for reasons you don’t get to know, she was having a bad day. A very bad day. I listened to her problems, talked to her about them, all the while catching up on my notifications. Brenda tagged me in one of those “tag your friend in a category”. I expected to be a techie of some kind, I always am. But she tagged me as, “The one who never fails to make your day.” The one who NEVER fails to make your day. I love that. Made my night. I continued talking to Kayla, and toward the end of our conversation, she goes, “I really really appreciate you and all that you do for me. I hope you know that.” Two compliments in one night for just being me.
Then, if that didn’t top it off, that same night I’m talking to my friend Tiffany who now lives overseas, she was telling me about a gentleman she met, who is her good friend but she kinda has a crush on him. I tell her to go for it and give reasons why (sorry peeps, you don’t get details of the convo) and she ended up taking my advice with a nice little note the next day for me, “Thank you Brandon, I took your advice, and we will have to wait and see. It is really sweet that you care so much.”
So who I am, what I do, and what I say matters to my friends around me. Those compliments are far more flattering than any married woman wanting to have sex. I don’t think I could ever go back to who I was. It was nice and fun, sure. But nothing could replace how I feel now. I’m literally loved around the world.
If you love someone and appreciate who they are, make sure you let them know. They will enjoy the compliment and it might just save them from themselves. You never know.
~Just a thought.
“The world is full of imperfect thoughts, imperfect relationships, and imperfect people. It is the moment when you are staring into the eyes of the one you care about that those imperfections are why you love them so.” – Brandon Hoffman