Tuesday, January 17, 2012

What a way to start the year.

So I've always believed in appreciating everything about every day. It allows me to smell the roses, and, after publicly stating (aka, FB post) I enjoy things, people tend to remind me how lucky I am. I planned on re-posting my days on here, but I am kinda assuming that if you read my blog, you have me on Facebook. That being said, this past week has been full to the brink, the weekend even more so. And I got in a full dose of family, new friends, and old friends.

Now, I have actually been sent messages of concern because of the last bit on my latest post that I did. Other... Things have transpired in my life recently that has kept me down secretly, but you will probably never know those unless something big happens... And I appreciate the concerns, and, to those who have asked, I have told. Furthermore, rest assured that that fear has gone away.

Now, if you have been reading my blog since my posts about friends, you will understand this completely. If you haven't, I suggest you take the time to read it because this post won't make too much sense without it. Here is your bookmark.


K. So, as you know, I have had this dilemma as to whether or not let friends go. Length of time over quality of friendship. Just to take them off the best friend mentality pedestal and leave them be. Just try to forget them as they have obviously shown we aren't as close as we once were. This constantly bothers me, and I fear that me trying to stay within their lives is just desperate. That "low point" in my previous post, kind set that in stone for me (no matter how temporary.)

I had a concerned friend talk to me about an invitation, well, lack of one. They had been told by Donna and Daniel that I wasn't invited (my name specifically) to their New Years party. Being a friend that they were to me, and knowing Daniel's and my relationship, brought it up to me. I was surprised as they (the friend) were, and my mind reeled at what I could have done to not be invited.

Being Daniel's and Donna's friend for so long, I could only think that it was A) I was their only single friend, and B) my posts about friendship bothered them. They had never brought up these reasons of concern to me, but those two reasons were the only ones that seemed logical.

Anyway, it wasn't either of those reasons. And the actual reason (which won't be posted here) was a pretty serious one that I had taken as a joke for a long time. I am still a little upset that Daniel couldn't come to me with the actual issue in the first place, but I digress.

And, because we don't express ourselves well in person. I am sorry Donna.

Back on topic - During that New year's Eve party, Daniel proposed to Donna.

Needless to say, I was upset. For more than one reason.

Saturday, Daniel texts me:
D:"You busy Monday?"
B:"No, why what's up?"
D:"Goda talk"
B:"I'm guessing it's important"
D:"Yeah, kinda. Bosa at 9am?"

At this point, I am thinking that it is time to either hear an apology from someone who I've never known to apologize, or to start an argument and officially lose a best friend forever. Honestly, I prepared for the latter. I hadn't said some nice stuff about him, and he surely didn't seem to want me around for important events in his life.

We get there, we don't hug, which we normally do, and sit down. We catch up a little bit on our lives, him recounting my posts of my super busy weekend and him having less of a busy one. We talk about the actual reason behind the lack of invitation. His feelings toward his engagement and what happened that night at the party. We also talk about Will and how it has been a year, but doesn't really feel like it. Then I ask him the big question.

"What is this about."

He then proceeds to say that Donna asked to be there when he told me, and that she gets on lunch soon. I didn't really like this idea, because Daniel and I can be straight up and honest with each other if things got bad. But with Donna there.. Well, we have an audience. And we act different around audiences. He's sarcastic and pretends not to care about anything, his way of showing he's strong. And I? I remain collected, calm, and pretend everything was expected. My way of showing I'm strong. We completely shut are emotions away, and always say stuff we don't mean. So audiences tend to make matters worse in my opinion. But, it IS his fiance, and maybe she wanted to say something too.

We head over to the Wendy's near her work, we get their, Donna orders, and we sit down. Daniel recounts the engagement, and their different options in planning the wedding. So I look at them again, and say, "What is this all about?" To be honest, at that point, I was just waiting for them to say something along the lines of 'We don't want you at the wedding.' Which would have hurt, but always prepare for the worst.

Daniel then goes, "If things go the way we really want them to go, I don't think you being just the best man would be appropriate for what we've been through. Instead, Donna and I talked about it, and I, we, would like you to marry us."

My eyes go big, mouth falls. Then him and I start to laugh. See, Daniel and I used to watch a LOT of FRIENDS growing up. And in the show, when Chandler gets married, he has his best friend Joey marry them, and Ross, another best friend, is Chandler's best man. This scene goes through both of our heads, and Daniel goes, "I would have had Will be my best man if he was here." and I understood.
I then turn to Donna, who I always get mixed signals from, and ask, "Are you OK with this?"
she looks down at her burger, looks up, smiles, and says "It was my idea. We want someone who we've known us the longest and we care about."

My heart melted. They are back on their pedestals for me, that's for sure.

Without Will there, Daniel says I may be the best man and ordained minister. Details still need to be hashed out. For example, He may just have me be the best man if they choose to go somewhere that requires their own pastor, but I don't think that will be the case. Also, he may have another one of his friends be the best man if for some reason having one less groomsman on one side becomes an issue.

That was my Monday. How was yours?

 ~Just a thought.

I'm sure all of u know by now how good it is to have friends. Something Ive learned is to never think your friends are just there to pass the time. You have friends for a reason, and as long as u have friends u will always have someone to talk to, someone who will listen to you, someone who will be by your side when your need is at its most. I’ve come to realize that one of the best feelings in the world is to know your friends will stand by your side and stay there no matter how hard of road you take them on. No matter what journey lies ahead of u it's always good to know that you can rely on someones shoulder to be there for you if your first attempts lead you into the dirt. Don't think bigger numbers makes better friends, always have time to make that friend, that best friend, that friend who will stay with you forever and always. 

Monday, January 9, 2012

Dance like no one is watching.

So, I have been reminiscing about the past and the future recently, well, tonight more or less. And quite frankly I am very, very surprised how much I have changed. I mean, everyone changes but no one notices really. My acquaintance Ali once told me a quote, "day to day nothing changes, but in a blink of an eye it's all different." And I guess I blinked. Though I still feel like I'm the traditional good guy, and I know I am still loud and outspoken, many things have changed about me. I have added more to my to-do list of 2012, but it isn't a resolution per se, just promises to myself. (If you see those as any different, I do.)

Side-step with me for a minute to one of my resolution's. Getting in shape. a million people have this goal, very, very few will accomplish it. And I think the reason is because they don't have a motivation to. I mean husbands do it for their wives, and vise versa, but what does the spouse replies when they fail, "I love you just the way you are." Which is true (hopefully) but he/she doesn't recognize that that hurts the person trying to get in shape. They aren't really doing it for their spouse, they are doing it for themselves, they just don't want to fail on their own... Single people do it to look better for the opposite (or same) sex... But that isn't a "person" and so when men/women are fawning on you the instant you walk out of the gym, it's kinda doomed to failure, in my opinion anyway.
With that being said, I think I found a reason to keep me motivated, and it is because I want to dance and sing.

Dancing: People who are in shape look better in nice clothes and while dancing, plain and simple. Not to mention it actually takes some foot work and movement. I have been dancing that Grahams on and off for a while, and I think I am going to start going more often and asking random girls to dance and practice with me. I'm not terribly good yet, but I want to be. I used to think dancing was very intimate, mainly because Homecoming, Winter formal, and Prom all basically require dates to have fun, and there isn't really a time where your guy friend takes your girlfriend to the dance floor. Just didn't happen. The only time I ever danced with a girl who wasn't my girlfriend before Grahams was at my brothers wedding. I danced with my sister, and I danced with my sister-in-law. Anyway, my views have recently changed. Dancing is dancing. A fun activity to do with one other person, sometimes it is intimate, other times it's not. On a Thursday a couple weeks ago I was learning the Cha-Cha and I danced with like... 15 different ladies and women, some far better than me, others notsomuch. It was done for practice with other people, and by the time I got back around to my partner (Ashley) we had a grasp of what we were doing. And it is FUN.

Singing: I am now a regular at Tilted Kilt... I know all of the other regulars, all of the night hostesses, servers, bouncers, busboys, bartenders, managers, and one of the cooks. So well, in fact, we've all added each other on Facebook and have had occasions where we've hung out outside of Facebook. Just a nice community-type family that supports each other. A lot of nights like tonight we get our server Amber, we didn't sit in her section, but she "stole" us from the other server because we are her regulars (Makes us feel special.) Now, before I was invited to Tilted Kilt, I didn't like karaoke. I couldn't sing, thought it was too loud, annoying, and there for stupid drunks. Again my thoughts have changed on that matter. I absolutely love karaoke night. It is the one night I will always go and every night I look forward to. I want to continue doing that for as long as TK has Mike as the karaoke DJ. I like my booming voice, I like working on my country voice, I like the games involved and being forced to sing songs out of my comfort zone.

Coincidentally, this kinda leads into my original point, I've changed. This time last year, I wasn't singing and I wasn't dancing. I was happy in some ways and others I wasn't. I craved friendship that I didn't really have with some people. I no longer have that desire with those people. I've matured, but only to a certain extent. I've grown spiritually and my ideas and values, and though most are within the gray area, they are marked for me to understand.

I am a regular at TK, but Sam, the manager, was talking to me tonight and some of the regulars she/we know have been going there every Sunday for the past three years since the place opened. I have only been going for... four months maybe? It's crazy to think that it has only been that long. I can not wait till she can say that about me three years down the line.
It's an adventure I look forward to.

~Just a thought.
It seems that day to day, nothing changes. But in a blink of an eye, it's all different - Ali.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

It starts.

I'm not sure how to begin this post... I clearly haven't posted in a long time. I have written quite a bit, but I feel they are too personal for anyone to understand. Furthermore, some are attacking other people. That I don't want to do.

So, 2011 has finished up. And as Isaac has said. Fuck you 2011, I won't miss you but I'll never forget you.

To make it brief and done with, my New Years Resolution are as follows, and are the same as every other person out there:
Eat better.
Lose weight.

I plan to start dieting again. Giving it another go around. For the past... month and a half, I haven't been going to the gym or dieting at ALL. "A way to save money" I tell myself. And, on the brighter side of things, I have been busy with the Tilted Kilt and spending time with some other friends. But, I am gonna cut off spending money on food there, as they are a restaurant and I am broke for the time being I can't afford that place. I am gonna try and cut back on soda intake to zero (I had three Cokes tonight, a Christmas gift) and then cut out fast food except for Soup and Roasted chicken from Subway, that's not too bad right?

Since I am no longer obligated to either Aaron or Jake, they have different routines now, I am going to try and go right after work. Not a lot of people are there, the machines will be open and it will be a nice, quick, workout. Get out of there in 30 min to an hour. I am also going to try and get a workout with a fitness trainer, which I have yet to do because I am lazy and bothered that they will try and sell me crap I don't need.

To go along with this diet and exercise plan, I plan on consuming more protein with shakes and whatnot to hopefully build more muscle mass, which in turn will burn the fat. I also plan on digesting more and more vitamins, to keep my body happy. I think my blood pressure is on the rise again, which I need to nip in the bud quickly. I'm not super super pumped like I usually am while writing this, so at least in my head it is a real goal I want to achieve.

Other... Things have transpired in my life recently that has kept me down secretly, but you will probably never know those unless something big happens.

Anyway, hopefully this will inspire me to be inspired to write more, but maybe not.

Till then, everyone have a great beginning to 2012, start it off right and maybe it will end right.
~Just a thought.