Tuesday, January 17, 2012

What a way to start the year.

So I've always believed in appreciating everything about every day. It allows me to smell the roses, and, after publicly stating (aka, FB post) I enjoy things, people tend to remind me how lucky I am. I planned on re-posting my days on here, but I am kinda assuming that if you read my blog, you have me on Facebook. That being said, this past week has been full to the brink, the weekend even more so. And I got in a full dose of family, new friends, and old friends.

Now, I have actually been sent messages of concern because of the last bit on my latest post that I did. Other... Things have transpired in my life recently that has kept me down secretly, but you will probably never know those unless something big happens... And I appreciate the concerns, and, to those who have asked, I have told. Furthermore, rest assured that that fear has gone away.

Now, if you have been reading my blog since my posts about friends, you will understand this completely. If you haven't, I suggest you take the time to read it because this post won't make too much sense without it. Here is your bookmark.


K. So, as you know, I have had this dilemma as to whether or not let friends go. Length of time over quality of friendship. Just to take them off the best friend mentality pedestal and leave them be. Just try to forget them as they have obviously shown we aren't as close as we once were. This constantly bothers me, and I fear that me trying to stay within their lives is just desperate. That "low point" in my previous post, kind set that in stone for me (no matter how temporary.)

I had a concerned friend talk to me about an invitation, well, lack of one. They had been told by Donna and Daniel that I wasn't invited (my name specifically) to their New Years party. Being a friend that they were to me, and knowing Daniel's and my relationship, brought it up to me. I was surprised as they (the friend) were, and my mind reeled at what I could have done to not be invited.

Being Daniel's and Donna's friend for so long, I could only think that it was A) I was their only single friend, and B) my posts about friendship bothered them. They had never brought up these reasons of concern to me, but those two reasons were the only ones that seemed logical.

Anyway, it wasn't either of those reasons. And the actual reason (which won't be posted here) was a pretty serious one that I had taken as a joke for a long time. I am still a little upset that Daniel couldn't come to me with the actual issue in the first place, but I digress.

And, because we don't express ourselves well in person. I am sorry Donna.

Back on topic - During that New year's Eve party, Daniel proposed to Donna.

Needless to say, I was upset. For more than one reason.

Saturday, Daniel texts me:
D:"You busy Monday?"
B:"No, why what's up?"
D:"Goda talk"
B:"I'm guessing it's important"
D:"Yeah, kinda. Bosa at 9am?"

At this point, I am thinking that it is time to either hear an apology from someone who I've never known to apologize, or to start an argument and officially lose a best friend forever. Honestly, I prepared for the latter. I hadn't said some nice stuff about him, and he surely didn't seem to want me around for important events in his life.

We get there, we don't hug, which we normally do, and sit down. We catch up a little bit on our lives, him recounting my posts of my super busy weekend and him having less of a busy one. We talk about the actual reason behind the lack of invitation. His feelings toward his engagement and what happened that night at the party. We also talk about Will and how it has been a year, but doesn't really feel like it. Then I ask him the big question.

"What is this about."

He then proceeds to say that Donna asked to be there when he told me, and that she gets on lunch soon. I didn't really like this idea, because Daniel and I can be straight up and honest with each other if things got bad. But with Donna there.. Well, we have an audience. And we act different around audiences. He's sarcastic and pretends not to care about anything, his way of showing he's strong. And I? I remain collected, calm, and pretend everything was expected. My way of showing I'm strong. We completely shut are emotions away, and always say stuff we don't mean. So audiences tend to make matters worse in my opinion. But, it IS his fiance, and maybe she wanted to say something too.

We head over to the Wendy's near her work, we get their, Donna orders, and we sit down. Daniel recounts the engagement, and their different options in planning the wedding. So I look at them again, and say, "What is this all about?" To be honest, at that point, I was just waiting for them to say something along the lines of 'We don't want you at the wedding.' Which would have hurt, but always prepare for the worst.

Daniel then goes, "If things go the way we really want them to go, I don't think you being just the best man would be appropriate for what we've been through. Instead, Donna and I talked about it, and I, we, would like you to marry us."

My eyes go big, mouth falls. Then him and I start to laugh. See, Daniel and I used to watch a LOT of FRIENDS growing up. And in the show, when Chandler gets married, he has his best friend Joey marry them, and Ross, another best friend, is Chandler's best man. This scene goes through both of our heads, and Daniel goes, "I would have had Will be my best man if he was here." and I understood.
I then turn to Donna, who I always get mixed signals from, and ask, "Are you OK with this?"
she looks down at her burger, looks up, smiles, and says "It was my idea. We want someone who we've known us the longest and we care about."

My heart melted. They are back on their pedestals for me, that's for sure.

Without Will there, Daniel says I may be the best man and ordained minister. Details still need to be hashed out. For example, He may just have me be the best man if they choose to go somewhere that requires their own pastor, but I don't think that will be the case. Also, he may have another one of his friends be the best man if for some reason having one less groomsman on one side becomes an issue.

That was my Monday. How was yours?

 ~Just a thought.

I'm sure all of u know by now how good it is to have friends. Something Ive learned is to never think your friends are just there to pass the time. You have friends for a reason, and as long as u have friends u will always have someone to talk to, someone who will listen to you, someone who will be by your side when your need is at its most. I’ve come to realize that one of the best feelings in the world is to know your friends will stand by your side and stay there no matter how hard of road you take them on. No matter what journey lies ahead of u it's always good to know that you can rely on someones shoulder to be there for you if your first attempts lead you into the dirt. Don't think bigger numbers makes better friends, always have time to make that friend, that best friend, that friend who will stay with you forever and always. 

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